apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
