I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
