oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
how can u be prego again
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
