Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
My bed smells like the plague
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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