Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
