Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
