ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
We don't watch enough power rangers
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
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