I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
