omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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