like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
