i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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