No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
