I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Just puked most of my soul out..
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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