State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
