i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
