Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
