I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
