Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize
