just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
