I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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