He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
