If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
