I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
