i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
