did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
