No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Randomize
