Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
