Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
