I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
