I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
