i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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