Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
