fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
