dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
