it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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