By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
