Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
