Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Send help, water and tortillas.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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