you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
