Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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