The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
