I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
