first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
