left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
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