living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Randomize
