when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
