; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
