tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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