well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
