mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
