Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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