you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
home. puking in laundry basket.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Your topless pictures make me question reality
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
