i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
